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Lou Holtz is piss drunk again on Notre Dame Kool-aid.   Just like last year, the year before that, and the other 492 years Holtz has been involved in football, Crazy Lisp has predicted the Irish to win at least 10 games. 

Despite losing to Navy last season and being quarterbacked by a giant ostrich, Holtz still believes the Irish will roll over Michigan, Purdue, Michigan State, and potentially even USC.  It’s become a well known fact around the college football community that Holtschz favors his former teams.  He even predicted South Carolina as a dark horse for the national championship.

Other crazy predictions made my Lou Holtz:

- Notre Dame would be elected president in the 2008 election.  When a co-anchor pointed out that ND was a school and not a person, let alone a candidate, his response:  “Scho what?”

- During one of Lou’s many famous motivational speeches, he predicted that Jesus Christ would be returning within the next few months to sign a National Letter of Intent to play for Notre Dame.  However, what Holtz could not predict was whether JC himself would play QB or his natural position, strong safety.

- While slobbering all over his co-workers at a weekly meeting, Lou claimed he would be the star in the sequel of his favorite movie, Beverly Hillbillies.  Well - looks like Lou actually got one right:

Every college football season there are second stringers, incoming freshman, and players from Middle-Eastern Baghdad Tech that just splurge onto the scene making big names for themselves by their play on the field.  This upcming 2008 season is no different.  Here’s a list of 10 players MichiganGirlsAreFat knows about, but you don’t.

Eugene Jarvis - Kent State - running back - senior

Many haven’t heard of the 5-5 170lb back from Kent State due to the Golden Flashes racking up a 3-9 record last year.  Despite their struggles, Jarvis was an animal on the field.  The miniature running back scooted for almost 1700 yards on the ground and 10 touchdowns.  He also caught 23 passes for 300 yards and 3 scores.

Look for Jarvis to improve on last year’s performance and prove to the country that he was not a Golden Flash-in-the-pan.

Marcus Freeman - Ohio State - linebacker - senior

It’s not often that you a returning starter at Ohio State be listed as a player flying under the radar, but he is.  Playing side by side with the walking trophy case James Laurinaitis, Freeman tends to go unnoticed by the media as well as opposing offensive lineman.  Last season, the senior linebacker from Dayton made 109 stops for the Buckeyes.

Freeman will make his case for being a first round NFL pick this season.  Keep an eye out for the match up against USC Sept 13th.

Rusty Smith - Florida Atlantic - quarterback - junior

Well everyone in Florida knows that Tim Tebow is God’s gift to college football/women/me/Boy Scouts, the little known Smith might be the most legitimate NFL QB prospect in the state.  The 6-5 230 cannon-armed junior tossed the rock for over 3600 yards and 32 TD’s.

Howard Schnellenberger takes his FAU squad to battle Texas, Michigan State, and Minnesota this season.  Look for Smith to get some big-time national media exposure in these games; especially if the Owls pull off an upset.

Brandon Gibson - Washington State - wide receiver - senior

Much like Marcus Freeman listed above, Gibson is a big game talent who puts up monster numbers and fails to be recognized.  Playing in the northwest asscrack of the country, Gibson is rarely seen on live TV by anyone outside of Washington.  Quietly, he put up 1180 yards last season while snagging 9 TD’s.  He could’ve left early for the NFL draft last year but opted to return to school and put up yet another solid unknown season in hopes to raise his draft stock.

Pannel Egboh - Stanford - defensive end - senior

Do you remember rookie head coach Jim Harbaughrunning his mouth saying that Pete Carrol and USC were overrated and his Cardinal crew would beat the Trojans on their home field………….and then actually did it?  This man, Pannel Egboh, was as major contributor in the biggest upset of 2008.  He was almost unstoppable making 2.5 tackles for loss, 1.5 sacks, and a blocked kick.

This season, ballsy coach Harbaugh stated that he barely recognized Egboh when he returned to camp because he’s spent so much time in the gym, bulking up, and preparing to wreck havoc all over Pac 10 defenses.  Again.

As we did with the QB1’s, MGAF picks this seasons top running backs.  With the losses of backfield heavyweights Darren McFadden, Rashad Mendenhall, and Felix Jones to the NFL, this year’s crop of backs look to put their stamp on NCAA record books.

1.  Chris Wells - Ohio State - junior

“Beanie” may be the closest thing to Jim Brown that our generation has seen.  With a brutal combination of speed and size, Wells stiff-armed his way to over 1600 yards and 15 touchdowns last season; all while being injured.  After an off-season of rest and healing, Beanie returns this season with his focus on a Heisman and National Championship run (which we’ll probably see OSU lose to Vanderbilt in the title game).

However, if the Buffalo Buckeyes slip up and get throttled at USC on Sept 13th, who knows what the media will think of the future NFL star.

2. Knowshon Moreno - Georgia - sophomore

As a freshman, Moreno led a surging Bulldog team into the BCS and a dominant win over the Rainbow Homos of Hawaii.  Many experts claimed that Georgia actually belonged in the title game.  At 210 pounds, Knowshon has decent size to go with his speed.  Rushing for 1,334 yards and 14 touchdowns as a freshman is causing many media folks to compare him to former UGA greats such as Herschel Walker and Terrell Davis.

With all this hype and pressure, we’ll wait and see how Jesus-in-Cleats does this year before MGAF starts making any comparisons.

3. James Davis - Clemson - senior / CJ Spiller - Clemson - junior

These two Tiger backs have became as deadly of combination as Pop Rocks and soda.  Crossing the goaline 19 times and racking up over 2850 total yards last season, the Clemson duo can score from anywhere on the field rushing, receiving, or returning.  Sure, one can argue that other backs are better than either of these Tigers individually, but it’s our blog and I’m combining them into one, super-human running back.

As usual, there’s high expectations on Clemson this year to finally make some national BCS noise.  Quarterback Cullen Harper should be the best in the league giving Tommy Bowden a dynamic backfield.  As Clemson does every year, they’ll start off 6-0 gaining boatloads of national exposure and then get rocked by North Carolina and Virginia to ruin their season.

4. Javon Ringer - Michigan State - senior

The Dayton, Ohio native has been playing football at Michigan State for what seems to be 13 years.  As a true junior in 2007, Ringer covered 1447 yards on the ground and scored 6 times.  While this may not seem like the stats of a Top 5 running back, his former wrecking-ball backfield mate Jehuu Caulcrick graduated along with his 21 touchdowns.

This year, when Ringer runs the ball to the red zone, he’ll get to keep it.  Look for JRing to put up close to 1700 yards and 20 touches this year.

5. LeSean McCoy - Pittsburgh - sophomore

While some may not know the incoming sophomore yet, they certainly will by the end of 2008.  As a freshman, super recruit McCoy rushed for a Big East rookie record 1328 yards; all without the help of a passing game.  He also ran for 14 touchdowns and caught another.

Dave “The Mustache” Wandstedt is ecstatic for this season now that McCoy actually knows the playbook and doesn’t have to rely on pure talent to rack up the stats.  At a good size, McCoy should compete for the Big East rushing title.

As always, check out where/when these big names will be playing in our 2008 NCAA Helmet Schedules.

The MGAF staff takes their pick at the Top 5 quarterbacks entering the 2008 season.  Keep in mind, these are not the top NFL prospects, but QB’s that will lead their team to big wins, Xbox-like stats, and smoking hot girls.

1.  Tim Tebow - Florida - junior

This is the obvious choice.  Considering his gaudy numbers last season and uber-popular mom, Pam, Teeb’s is the hands-down top signal caller in the nation.  As the first sophomore to snag the desired Heisman Trophy in 2007, Tebow looks to continue on his reign over the world. He only threw 6 picks last year which was among tops in the country. The self-proclaimed virgin scored 55 TD’s, and over 4,000 total yards.

While those numbers should slide a little this year with former USC mega recruit Emanuel Moody joining him in the backfield, Timmy will still provide highlight reels every game.

2.  Pat White - West Virginia - senior

As I mentioned above, this is not about the best NFL prospect.  In fact, I don’t think Pat will ever touch the balls of an NFL center, ever.  However, combined with mini-Barry Sanders, Noel Devine, the WVU offense is going to score points in bunches and put up some ridiculous stats.

Last year White ran for 1,335 yards and 14 TD’s, and threw for 1,724 yards and 14 TD’s against only 4 picks.  This year, new Wes Veergina coach Bill Stewart is preaching that he plans to keep White in the pocket more.  We may see some passing skills out of Patrick that no one knew existed.  Either way, keep an eye on him and his tour to the Heisman ceremony.

3. Chase Daniel - Missouri - senior

Coming from almost left field last year to battle for BCS spot, the Missouri Tigers will try to repeat last years impressive performance; lead by senior Heisman finalist Chase Daniel. Last year he had 68% completion, 33 TD’s only 10 picks and 4306 yards.  Daniel returns one of his favorite targets at WR, Jeremy Maclin, and could surpass his numbers from last season.

The best part of Chase’s game is his intermediate passing ability.  Give CD a receiver open anywhere in the 8-15 yard range and it’s a gimme completion.  Many have picked Chase to repeat as a Heisman finalist this year.  He’ll get a chance to jump in front early with a showdown against Rose Bowler, Illinois.

4. Dan LeFevour - Central Michigan - junior

While only die-hard football fans might know the name, LeFevour is a poor man’s Tim Tebow.  While dominating the MAC last season, Dannyboy was able to score chicks at parties by claiming that he scored 47 touchdowns.

In 2007, LeFevour had  1122 yards on the ground and 19 TD’s.  His aerial assault consisted of 3652 passing yards with 27 touchdown tosses.  He leads the Chippewas down to take on world-beating Georgia the second week of the season.  If Central Michigan can even keep it close in that game, look for LeFevour to finally get the national recognition he deserves.

5. Graham Harrell - Texas Tech - senior

Is he that good or is he a system QB?  I don’t know and I don’t care.  Look at these passing numbers from 2007: 5705 passing yards, 48 TD’s.

Are you kidding me?  Anyone who completes almost 3 1/2 miles worth of passes has to be on a Top 5 list.  I’m scared to see what this year brings as freak of nature receiver Michael Crabtree plans on trumping his freshman year for the ages.  Tech brings back 10 starters on offense.  Look for them to put 100 on someone early this year with a JV schedule consisting of Eastern Washington and UMASS.

In what has become one of the most amazing finishes in recent Olympic history, the US 4×100 relay team brings home another gold for the good guys. The American team - Michael Phelps, Garret Weber-Gale, Cullen Jones, and Jason Lezak - were not expected to win this relay. The French team was clearly the favorite and in a news conference prior to the start of the Games, Frenchy captain Alain Bernard, who boasts a tattoo of a shark on his abdomen, was asked what he thought about his country’s chances against the United States.

“The Americans?” Bernard said. “We will smash them.”

Several of Bernard’s teammates followed his lead, even going to far as to suggest that the Americans were scared of the French.

However, this all backfired when they ran into the Rocky’s of swimming, the Americans.

Falling behind in the fourth and final leg, Jason Lezak went on to swim the the greatest anchor leg in relay history, had to say when it was all over:

“People always step up and do things out of the ordinary at the Olympics.”

Watch the excitement here.

Because we’re such nice people here at MichiganGirlsAreFat.com; we decided to give you a quick rundown of what happened this week in college football. We know you’re too lazy to look for yourself, so here’s a short rundown:

–USC starting quarterback, Mark Sanchez, went down at practice over the weekend. Dirty was carted off with what appears to be a dislocated knee cap. If the diagnosis is accurate, USC is left to put another one of their 56-star recruit QB’s at the helm for the opener. Right now, it’s a battle between Arkansas-transfer Mitch Mustain and Aaron Corp.

Trojan fans should feel comfortable with any of their QB’s under center, but could Sanchez miss the biggest non-conference battle of season when Ohio State comes to town?

–Ohio State mega recruit, Terrelle Pryor, takes the field for the first time. While fans want to see TP on the field ASAP, coach Jim Tressel is not rushing the issue. “I think he’s going to be pretty good, but I have not seen him throw one ball.” stated Sweatervest during the first official practice of the summer.

While whether or not Pryor lives up to his hype is anyone’s guess, he at least looks good:

Let the man crush begin for Ohio State fans.

– Last year’s BCS champion LSU Tigers find themselves struggling to find a QB for this year’s opener. After 28th year senior Matt Flynn finally graduated, LSU thought they were in good hands with uber-talented Ryan Perrilloux. However, after some off-field problems, the powers that be at Louisiana State told Ryan to geaux to hell.

This leaves Andrew Hatch and Jarrett Lee batting each other to fill some rather large footsteps. Niether of these two good friends as any real experience and is going to put a lot of pressure on the Tiger running game and defense; which should be no problem for the defending champs. Look for LSU once again to battle for the SEC and National Championship trophies.